Last week was really rough. My first week of teaching went well enough but it took a whole lot out of me. I´m very alone in this task and I have been getting really worked up over it. Fortunately, my host family has been incredibly gracious, and I´m learning a lot. I´m learning what does and doesn´t work with each of my classes and I´m trying to translate my idealistic ESOL pedagogy into effective teaching. It´s hard though--I´m juggling 4 different sets of lesson plans, my thoughts aren´t very clear at times, and I haven´t really found any outlets where I am able to bounce ideas off of people or ask for help. And I don´t have much else to do to take my mind off of my work besides playing guitar and watching movies with my host mom. I need people. I need some friends here.
Please pray that God would provide me some sort of community here, and that He would open my eyes to the friends I have already made that I am simply not turning to. Praise Him for geting me through this week, for giving me comfort and bringing me healing after a couple days of Brazilian bacteria hijacking my intestinal tract. Please pray for a truce between me and Brazilian technology. Please pray that I would learn how to choose not to worry and stress about my classes and my life here--it´s a sin according to Jesus and it totally destroys my peace and joy.
Thank you for reading this and being there for me. It´s been the Word and the love and support of you all that has kept me going this week. I´m going to spend some time in prayer now, take a shower, go to bed, and wake up to a new week.
Love,
Claire
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My sweet, beautiful, amazingly-talented sister, I am praying for your soul to find rest this week. I am not at all surprised to hear that you are trying so hard to do everything well (and undoubtedly are far-exceeding expectations). But remember
ReplyDelete1) You've NEVER done this before. (Lived in Brazil, taught classes, taught language classes, taught in Portuguese, worked for this particular organization ETC,ETC,ETC.
2) You are 21. Not 31 or 41 or 51. And it makes a difference.
3) You ARE your own worst critic. Whatever score you give to something you've done, multiply by 2 or 3...or more for a more accurate depiction of what others saw and experienced.
4) You will NEVER ever ever please everyone. You will never do enouhg or be enough for them. They will never appreciate you as much as you desire to be appreciated. Don't kill yourself to please others. Seek to live in the light of the Lord's favor. To both seek His honor and work diligently out of love for Him, but also to walk in the midst of His previent love. He loved first. And He loves consistently, faithfully. And grace covers over. He is the one who always sees you and understands you and speaks to you the words you desperately need to hear. He delights in you.
5) You are really loved and we are so proud of you back here! I really miss you, more each week. Can't wait until we're together again.
Hannah
Thanks, Hani. :)
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