Consegui?

I shall henceforth reflect upon my goals as identified and condensed with the help of the FSU Success Center, which has provided the funding that has made this entire summer possible.

1. Become more proficient in Portuguese.
BAM! I have totally accomplished this! My listening, speaking and vocabulary have progressed as needed to get by in everyday life here. I am able successfully talk on the phone with people (usually…), I give lessons in which I speak a good bit of Portuguese, and I have picked up on some of the local accent and slang. A weakness that I see in this area is that my vocabulary and grammar are still somewhat weak; I haven’t had any structured plan of study and people here are kind and accommodating to the point that they often do not correct my consistent linguistic foibles.

2. Form a partnership between Arte e Vida and FSU’s Portuguese department
Not so much. But I think I could be instrumental in bringing about such a partnership in the coming year when I am reunited with my Portuguese professor and peers. While I have not laid any specific groundwork for this type of project, my presence at Arte e Vida everyday lends increasing credibility to the institution I am representing. If some of my peers wanted to work with Arte e Vida next year, I could tell them exactly who to contact, what the students have already learned, and what resources they would be provided and would yet need to procure.

3. Gain experience in tutoring and teaching English as a second language to students at a variety of levels
Check. For coming here with just one TESOL class under my belt and very limited experience teaching and tutoring English learners, I have done a heck of a lot of teaching! My classes have been my primary commitment here, and they have certainly consumed my time and thoughts more than any else over the last two months. I have made some blunders. I have learned that I have much to learn about my own language, (seriously--is there ANY rhyme or reason to English pronunciation?! How on earth do our kids learn to read aloud? “Soup, soul, sour”…”ou” makes 3 different sounds. And don’t even get me started on what the letter “a” is capable of!) I have repeatedly accomplished less than I had wanted to in the classroom, due both to circumstances within and outside of my control. I have been under-resourced. I have stood before my students filled with apathy, hopelessness, frustration, peace, joy, and love at different times throughout this experience. Overall, I’ve gained a lot of experience, I’ve taught my students, I’ve had a positive impact, I’ve tried my best, and I haven’t given up.

4. Progress as an artist through song and dance
Weak. I have only learned to dance one type of Brazilian dance, whose name, “forró,” comes from a transliteration of an American’s comment on the dance—that it was “for all,” a dance accessible to the masses. As far as my musical progression, I have only written one song while I was here, a song in English that is strikingly similar to the other several songs I have written over the last couple of years. My lofty sub-goals of wanting to learn to sing and play some of the local/traditional music from here and to come up with an original song in Portuguese have yet to be realized. However, last week I told the students in my English Conversation class about my desire to learn to perform some local music. They enthusiastically offered to hook me up with some material, and my inbox has since been blessed with some lyrics and links to hear different songs. Last weekend, on my road trip with my Brazilian parents, an extensive sampling of artists of my favorite genre was lined up for my listening pleasure (admittedly, this would have been more successful were I more capable of staying awake during long car trips)! I am proud to report, though, that I have bought and received for free a number of CDs from aspiring artists right here in my city! Their merit is limited, but I am a woman of solidarity. Right now I am listening to the CD of one of the employees at the coffee shop within the Catholic University. He sings with The Silver Cowboy Band on this CD whose title translates to The Cowboy That Provokes (The Provocative Cowboy?). Hopefully as my classes wind down and I soak up more and more Brazilian music from these various founts, I will find myself inspired and empowered to make my own small mark on the music scene here.

5. Establish independence from family and friends in the United States through independent travel
Yes, I am satisfied with the degree to which I have successfully blown you people off! I made a Skype account my first week here but never used it as of yet. I have exchanged emails every now and then and checked in sensibly with facebook, and this has been very helpful and encouraging. Once a week or so I have written my fancy words on this blog and sent them out into the vast and often maddeningly silent void of cyberspace. I miss you people and appreciate you all the more for having tasted of your absence. My life here has certainly been more independent, and I feel like I have a clearer picture now of who I actually am. I trust that upon my return, this insight will help me to more healthily and joyfully live as a part of my community, as one connected to many to the glory of God.

6. Deepen spiritual understanding by being an American Christian in a country with very different religious dynamics
C-
I have gained some insight and perspective here that I would definitely characterize as spiritual, but it hasn’t been what I expected, and it isn’t stuff that I can easily wrap up and top with a bow. As someone with inherent curiosity about returning to this (and just about any) place to do missionary work down the road, I don’t feel like I’ve been endowed with a specific message or a burning heart to present the gospel to these people (at least not in the typical sense). As a culturally Catholic nation with a burgeoning evangelical presence, it seems at times like Jesus is all up in everyone’s grill. At Arte e Vida, the secular government-funded NGO where I work, the kids hold hands and recite the Lord’s Prayer every morning—I definitely didn’t expect that.
The things that I have gained a holy sensitivity to here are much more at the macro level—like the corruption and inequality that knowingly persists in every sector of Brazilian society, and the great fissure that divides different sects of the church here. I have also become aware of a strong humanistic pull here that suggests that the deep wounds of this nation will be healed when we finally elect good politicians, when we all embrace tolerance and turn into the good people that we haven’t managed to be in the past. As beautiful as that sounds, there hasn’t been another Eden since the Beginning, and I don’t think we’re going to find it again by omitting the God who created it in the first place. He’s the one that is good. Gee, after writing this spiel I feel like I ought to bump my grade up to a C+ or something!
My main reason for giving myself a low rating for this goal, though, is that I have engaged in very little collective religious activity during my time here, which I think has been a major opportunity lost. As an ecumenical Christian, a scholar, and a language learner here, I can hardly hit more birds with one stone than by going to church—but I think I can count the number of times have gone to church here on one hand! Twice it was a purposeful decision, but every other Sunday unforeseeable or inoperable obstacles stood in my way. My ex-Christian Brazilian host father has taken note of my heathenness and said to me in jest last week, “Yeah, just the other day I was thinking, ‘when I was a Christian, I went to church a lot more than she does!’” As of now, I don’t have any great guilt weighing on my conscience; it was not my intention to escape Christian community, and in spite of my poor church attendance, I have felt God’s gracious presence close to me this summer. I do, however, grow weary at the thought of what more could have been had I not been such an island unto myself. What prophecy could have been spoken to me? What could I have been healed of? Who could I have healed? It’s an awesome and powerful thing to worship God with other people, especially in another country; I didn’t really tap into that power so I can’t say what I missed. Needless to say, I really want to get my church on during the time that I have left here. C-.

7. Further investigate international development as a career option; decide whether or not to pursue the Urban and Regional Planning and Development program at FSU
Incomplete.
Yeah, I don’t know. And if I continue not to know, things will probably hit the fan in about a month, when I have to settle my class schedule. I now find myself distracted by the prospect of taking more classes on teaching English as a foreign language, and I can only spin so many plates at once. I am hereby counting on the deepening of my spiritual understanding in number 6 to sway my grade for number 7 into the range of acceptability! Jesus knows what’s up. :D

Summary of My Progress Report:
1. BAM!
2. Not so much
3. Check
4. Weak
5. Yes
6. C-
7. Incomplete

So there’s that! Thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings. If you would, please pray for my clarity of mind and for my health as I have a bothersome chest cold and I want to be able-bodied for my final two weeks with my students.

Home in 3 weeks!
Love,
Claire